The Cultural Mindsets We Inherit (The Ones We’re Here to Break)

There’s always going to be a part of me that feels a little more open, a little more expressive, when I’m speaking inside spaces that feel safe. Spaces where we can be real. Where we can go deep without worrying about who might be uncomfortable with what we’re saying.

Because let’s be honest — as much as I love being myself online, there’s always a few aunties somewhere who are probably freaking out at half the things I say haha!. And that’s okay.

When I first went through my spiritual awakening, I skipped some really important parts. I went straight to the knowledge, the readings, the channeling — all the higher stuff. And while that can be beautiful, I eventually realised I had bypassed the most necessary work of all: looking at myself. My stories. My ego. My shadow.

And honestly? That was the crux of everything.

Because the most important part of awakening isn’t escaping into spirituality — it’s waking up to the mental stories that keep us small. The ones that keep us feeling separate from the spirit of God, disconnected from ourselves, and stuck in patterns we didn’t consciously choose.

So much of this comes from culture. From identities and roles that have been passed down through generations without ever being questioned. Masks people wear for so long that they forget who they actually are underneath.

One of the most common roles I see — and one I know very well myself —

The Victim role

That feeling that life is happening to you. That you’re unlucky. That things just keep coming at you from every direction. Between us, I sometimes joke that my family might be the kings and queens of this role. And I absolutely took it on too. Even now, it’s something I have to consciously catch.

Because the truth is, life isn’t happening to us. It’s happening through us. We’re creating our experiences through the subconscious patterns we carry — but remembering that takes awareness. And it takes practice.

When we live in this victim mindset, we end up feeling helpless. Like we can’t move forward unless someone else comes along and saves us. I even noticed this pattern going all the way back to childhood — moments that subtly taught me that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t break free.

Not in a blaming way. Just in a noticing way.

That’s the thing about these stories — unless you really look at them, it’s incredibly hard to move forward. They sit quietly in the background, shaping your reality, feeding self-doubt, and keeping you from fully seeing yourself as a powerful creator.

For a long time, that victim identity held me back. Until I realised something important: I am the one making my decisions. I am the one who keeps going. No one is coming to do this for me.

We’re not stuck. We’re not helpless. We can always take another step forward.

But here’s where it gets interesting — every time I got close to something better, something aligned, my old identity would show up and try to sabotage it. It was “too good” for the version of me that was used to struggle.

I remember moving into a beautiful place with an incredible view, and instead of enjoying it, all I wanted was to be back in a dingy city alleyway. Not because I liked it — but because it was familiar. That old identity was so used to surviving that peace felt uncomfortable.

In my family, and in my culture more broadly, there’s almost a romanticising of suffering. Like wearing hardship as a badge of honour. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone casually say, “I’m actually doing really well.”

That leads into another common role:

The Martyr

The one who sacrifices everything for everyone else, complains about it, but also believes it’s noble. That the universe never gives back. That self-abandonment is somehow virtuous.

These stories take a lot of unwinding. And the hardest part is that you often don’t even realise they’re running until you notice your life isn’t moving forward.

Another big one is:

Powerlessness

The belief that there’s nothing inside you strong enough to stand up, to fight, to choose differently. I see this a lot in women who feel trapped in lives they didn’t consciously choose.

But power is never actually lost. We just forget it’s there.

So the first step in healing any of this is realising: I am not these stories. I am not these thoughts. I am the awareness that notices them.

That shift alone changes everything.

From there, it becomes about noticing triggers in real time. Catching yourself when the old patterns want to play out. And choosing differently — especially in the moments where it feels hardest.

That’s the real pattern-breaking. And it goes against everything in your biology that wants to keep things familiar.

At the root of many of these stories is:

Worthlessness

Not feeling deserving of happiness, ease, success, or love. And so much of that gets passed down — unspoken, unintentional, but deeply felt.

Healing this means remembering something simple but profound: you are created in the image of God. You don’t need to earn worthiness. You don’t need to prove anything. You’re worthy because you exist.

When we forget that, we suffer. And when we remember, everything starts to shift.

Ultimately, this journey is about choosing love over fear whenever you can — especially love for yourself. Because what’s happening in your mind will always be reflected in your outer world.

And just remember: you’re not becoming someone new.
You’re returning to yourself.

You’re healing your entire bloodline while you do this.
So be gentle with yourself. This path isn’t linear. There will be ups and downs.

Give yourself grace.
You’re doing something deeply brave.